Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
