Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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