i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
