somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
