ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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