After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm at about main and main street
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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