walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
