I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
