Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.

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(313): View more from Michigan

i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

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(408): View more from California

Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something

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(605): View more from South Dakota

mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties

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(989): View more from Michigan

I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.

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