then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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