My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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