Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
