Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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