but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
