i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
