yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
