"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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