We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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