my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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