My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
