How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
wow bdsm is so cute
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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