Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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