Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
