called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Enjoy the penises
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
