I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
