i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
