i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you win again, gameday.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
