if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
