Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
