apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
