he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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