Please, let me fuck your mom
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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