he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There r osticjed everywhere
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
