Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
