Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
