I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
