Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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