I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
