So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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