You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
