WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am mentally ready for anal.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
