Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
