considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
