why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
