Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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