I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
