so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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