she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
