He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
