If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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