fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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