Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
