16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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