I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
