Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
